What are your chances of survival if you fall into a deep dark hole?

wonderfullybadjokes:

Abyss-mal.

I went to the theatre, it looked a bit suspicious.

wonderfullybadjokes:

 I think the whole thing was staged.

2014 Bad Joke No. 121

365badjokes:

What’s the least a tiny mother can get paid?

Mini-mum wage.

macoroniandchez said: You probably know this but---- What do you call a dinosaur that gets into car crashes? And tyrannosaurus-wrecks !!

365badjokes:

Doesn’t matter if I know it already, someone out there might not and it’s a great joke!

2014 Bad Joke No. 136

365badjokes:

What do you call someone who can make a forest?

Tree-ative.

piggytailsandpacifiers:

kayla-bird:

Hide and seek.

I lost my shit at the one behind the couch pillow.

(Source: chouncazzodicasino, via wolfstargazing)

ineedmorelube:

trarnp:

ineedmorelube:

wakey wakey eggs and bakey

but I’m a vegan

wakey wakey vegetables

(via ghostofcocolooo)

pr1nceshawn:

Guess What…? - Couples find fun ways to announce to their friends and family that they are expecting.

(via wolfstargazing)

josephine-grant:

"Don’t chase the quaffle, if you can see the snitch."

The Life and Times by Jewels5

(Source: nina-proudman, via jilyevotter)

fancypantswatson:

The Marauders used to take turns taking care of Harry when the others had Order business or were too busy or needed a night off. It became a tradition among them, as they were passing the baby into the next caretaker’s hands, to say “you’re it. good luck.”

The last thing Sirius saw as he was falling through the veil was Remus running over to Harry, and the last thought that ran through his head was “you’re it. good luck.”

Based on this post by the-sirius-sideoflife

(via jilyevotter)